I remember that first sharp kick of culture shock to the stomach.
~ * eveRytHing is diFferENt ! ~
(where is solid ground! what have I done! *panic*)
and I remember the first time I REALLY knew GOD IS CONSTANT. That same day.
A sharper blow than the first.
(He really IS the same.
Where I’ve been for two decades.
Where ever the heck I am right now [I was in Serbia].
Where EVER I go!
My location doesn’t change Him <how small He actually was in my own head>)
The truth I’d read and read –
“surely I am with you always”
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever”
– piercing joint, marrow, blood-pumping heart.
I remember the tiny box room with no windows and three other humans that was called “home” while I lived in Manhattan. All those stairs just to get breakfast and a shower and opening the heavy building door to the MOVEMENT of millions of lives lived in a rush, and the miles of fast paced steps and hot streets and being absolutely squished between smelling humans on Subways in the noise and motion and AH.
~ HOW was I liVinG hEre?? * ~
But the same God with me.
Listening to me in the quiet of the noise, me and Him.
Hearing my whines when I was tired and only wanted some pErsOnaL sPaCE pLEase(!).
The same God singing over me in my worries of where I was going next.
The same God loving the way I was learning about love being a choice to SUFFER WITH.
And His constancy is an arrow in both directions.
Yesterday. Today. Forever.
Knowing now how He’s been with me even before I knew Him.
“I knit you in your mother’s womb.” His hands cradled tiny me even then.
“You were there. All this time. You carried me all this time.”
(How did I not know? Of course You were.)
What a joy. It’s been a clumsy joy to fail and know Him place to place to place.
To truly know “You were always there, tracing all my steps.”
And on days like today. When the next step is within view (most days EAGER and SO giddy to jump right in) but today a bit apprehensive: “what if……..[enter worry here].”
But days like today in the struggle of trusting the ever-unchanging near One… they are days I learn that same sweet piercing truth to the deeper parts of me. Good Shepherd holding my hand all the way. My soul’s satisfaction. My Reason.